He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
well you can't waste a boner
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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