I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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