dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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