mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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