can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize