Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize