That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Randomize
