the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
