Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
