Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
