Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
