Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
