I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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