I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
