Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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