Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
