they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
