I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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