Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
