goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
