North Korea, Best Korea!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
