Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize