My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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