Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Welp...herpes.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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