We're facebook friends in real life
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
