my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
