Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
