actually, I'm a sock model
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So squirting runs in the family.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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