forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
