Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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