She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
