I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
