He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize