A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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