Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
