I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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