You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
