I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
