bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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