I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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