I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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