Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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