She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize