if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
