This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
