I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
