There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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