Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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