i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
