addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
