Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
what day is it and did you see me today?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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