if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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