Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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