just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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