Got a toothbrush?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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