I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
