i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
