Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I looked at my own cervix.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
