I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
