I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
