I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
false alarm, still single
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
