My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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