No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
