I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
