I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
