My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
