if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize