Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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