Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize