so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
