The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
