I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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