walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
