Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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